Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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