My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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