it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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