I heard we made out
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
