Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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