Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
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so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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