dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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