planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
