I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
