so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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