I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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