The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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