Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
