We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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