He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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