Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
