Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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