I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
