i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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