bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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