I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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