Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize