saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
no, he came in my armpit
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
