Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
