He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
How does one acquire holy water?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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