I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
