I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
