No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
