I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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