just come out here and I will go home with you...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
