overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
