worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
