my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
