I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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