it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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