The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
