Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
