Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My ass is underappreciated
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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