it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize