Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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