Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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