It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
