I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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