you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
