don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
