the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
