i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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