i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
This is the high leading the old right now
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
