im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
People in love make me want to vomit
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
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I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
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CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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