He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
