She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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