he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
