his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
