I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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