Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
