I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
