I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
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He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
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If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
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