I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
