My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
