hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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