I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
