I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
