i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
did i walk over a car last night?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
