If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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