i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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