things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
