if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
