haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
