I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
