Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
false alarm, still single
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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