So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
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